Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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