Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so let's talk penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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