I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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