her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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