True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
