Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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