Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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