Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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