its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
