you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
