the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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