anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
