Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
someone threw a dead crab at me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize