Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
