I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
