I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
