I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
