the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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