I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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