do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
