I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
