I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
