Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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