He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
