You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
