we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
