Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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