if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
