I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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