Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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