Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
