i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
