i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
