Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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