Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
