I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
