to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
