p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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