I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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