I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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