More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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