Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
