I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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