Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
