I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
