I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
