I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
