You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
