it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
