I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
