The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
