Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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