I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
