He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
