I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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