i was born a porn star she said
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
