he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
