he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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