What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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