i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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