Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
