I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
