She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
