I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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