if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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