R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
