I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think your dad took our porno
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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