he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need water and some morals
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
