You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
