i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
