I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm both gender and math confused
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
