i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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