Moan for me like Helen Keller
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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